marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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