I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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