you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
