Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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