the condom got lost in my hair
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
