I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
