He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
