Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
