Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
barbara walters just said penis...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
