You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
