In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
