so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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