I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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