4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
