He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
