I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
