I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
