You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
