Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Randomize
