"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
