mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
