Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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