Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
