You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
