My hand turned me down
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
