it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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