I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
