i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
