my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
