I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
