I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
