i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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