I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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