I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
