Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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