dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
