Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
