I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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