If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
