I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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