I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
