I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
