There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
