she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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