I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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