I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i dont even know how to be here
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
