how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
