apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
