It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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