apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
