you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
not ubering you a puppy
Pants are for mortals
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
