I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
