giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
